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Tevet: Shalom Bayit

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RESOURCES OF THE MONTH

Book

Happiness is Homemade by Rachel Arbus: A Torah Approach to Personal Growth, Marital Harmony, and Childrearing

Not A Partnership: Why We Keep Getting Marriage Wrong & How We Can Get It Right

This book combines the world’s oldest wisdom with 21st century Positive Psychology research & insight to define what a healthy marriage is — and to give you practical steps to get one. Provides a clear guide to (1) why marriage can provide the most powerful and fulfilling source of human intimacy and happiness; (2) why we often fail to act in a way that makes marriage work; and (3) how we can establish great marriages – and fix broken ones – with proper understanding and attitude. Besides its power to create and foster love and happiness, marriage creates the #1 opportunity to enhance your conduct & character. Tapping into your capacity to give, and to communicate, a great marriage helps us build the best possible version of ourselves. The book’s Four Pillars of Giving — (1) keeping it fresh, (2) gratitude, (3) respect in all its forms, and (4) all depends on me — give a clear road map to how a successful marriage works, and the practical tools to bring it to life.

You and Me Equals We: The Counter-intuitive Path to a Stable Shalom Bayis

Only an angel can constantly acquiesce without feeling defeated. Fortunately, tools exist that can enable you to establish yourself as a separate individual whose hands are on the controls of your own emotional life. You can exist and thrive as a couple, even in a state of disagreement, even in a state of conflict, even when one of you is occasionally unhappy with the other. You and Me Equals We is about those tools and how to use them.

Happy Marriage Collection

Happy Marriage Collection (7 lectures) from Rabbi Avigdor Miller’s Thursday night lecture series: 216 – Not Good To Be Alone; 620 – Ten Commandments Of Marriage; 684 – Ideal Marriage, Tikun Olam; E – 018 – Builders Of The World; E – 142 – Seven Brachos Of Marriage; E – 188 – Face Of Hashem In Marriage; E – 215 – The Marriage Counselor

Intimacy, Chemistry and the Power of Imagination

Distance can rebuild the imagination serving as a powerful tool that can be utilized to build closeness in any relationship.

Nishmat’s Kallah Companion

Comprehensive online curriculum in taharat hamishpacha designed especially for brides. Intended to supplement traditional personal instruction, the course enables kallot to prepare and review what they learn with their teachers, and to explore questions they might not otherwise encounter. Available in Spanish as well.

El Secreto de la Femineidad Judía

Provides the halachos and hashkafos of taharas hamishpachah in Spanish.

Setting a Table for Two: Enhancing Relationships, Achieving Intimacy

This manual combines the best wisdom available today in the world of marriage counseling with the timeless wisdom of our holy Sages. In a world where marriages are suffering and need the most support possible, this book offers understandable and practical methods for bolstering and strengthening a Jewish marriage. If you wish to enhance your relationship, achieve real intimacy and create a safe space for your marriage to flourish, this book will help you succeed.

Turn Your Husband Into Your Soul Mate

Highly readable and practical volume that is rooted in Jewish wisdom on the core ingredients of marital success. This book is Ideal for couples looking to make a good marriage even better, as well as those looking for fresh insight into strengthening a troubled marriage. This book is a treasure to building stronger marriages and positive relationships through a better understanding of your spouse and yourself, at every stage of marriage. Practical real-life examples and anecdotes make for easy reading and instant application!

Guide for the Romantically Perplexed

Covers every aspect of Jewish dating, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. For singles, it is a step-by-step guide that helps you find a mate and keep that mate for life. For married, divorced, or remarried couples, this is a self-help manual that really works. – Includes case studies that highlight why people succeed or fail in their interpersonal relationships. – Well documented from both a Jewish and contemporary psychological viewpoint. – Pertinent for Jewish men and women from all levels of the Jewish religious spectrum.

Dear Daughter: A Father’s Wise Guidance for Wholesome Human Relationships, a Happy Marriage and a Serene Home

The author shares his years of experience, counsel, and Torah-saturated outlook with his “Dear Daughter,” and he invites every other dear daughter to read over her shoulder. He does it superbly. The author’s palette is piled high with colorful and insightful anecdotes, and he uses them like an artist to illustrate his points. Many a marriage, many a child, many a family, and many a friendship will be enriched and made happier thanks to this book.

Dear Son: A Father’s Wise Guidance for Wholesole Human Relationships, a Happy Marriage and a Serene Home

This book will bring enrichment, understanding, and happiness to many a marriage, many a family, and many a friendship.

Dividing Lines

Can a new push for a halachically compatible prenup put an end to the tragedy of agunos and often vicious divorce proceedings that drag on endlessly, causing untold pain and hurt?

The 5 Love Languages: Jewish Marriage Initiative SPECIAL EDITION

How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. With foreword by Rabbi Mordechai Pollock M.S..

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
• Love is not about better communication. It’s about connection.
• You’ll never get a closer relationship with your man by talking to him like you talk to one of your girlfriends.
• Male emotions are like women’s sexuality: you can’t be too direct too quickly.
• There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines.
• Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they have to act like a woman.
• Talking makes women move closer; it makes men move away.
• The secret of the silent male is this: his wife supplies the meaning in his life.
• The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help.
Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart.

The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.

The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal About Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship

Wellness entrepreneur Chrisanna Northrup teamed with two of America’s top sociologists, Yale Ph.D. Pepper Schwartz and Harvard Ph.D. James Witte, to design a unique interactive survey that would draw feedback from around the world. What has resulted is the clearest picture yet of how well couples are communicating, romancing each other, satisfying each other in the bedroom, sharing financial responsibilities, and staying faithful – or not. Since the Normal Bar survey methodology sorts for age and gender, racial and geographic differences and sexual preferences, the authors are able to reveal , for example, what happens to passion as we grow older, which gender wants what when it comes to sex, the factors that spur marital combat, how kids figure in, how being gay or bisexual turns out to be both different and the same, and –regardless of background — the tiny habits that drive partners absolutely batty.

This book offers readers an array of prescriptive tools that will help them establish a “new normal.” Mindful of what keeps couples stuck in ruts, the book’s authors suggest practical and life-changing ways to break cycles of disappointment and frustration.

Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

Love Sense presents new scientific evidence that tells us that humans are meant to mate for life. Dr. Johnson explains that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child, and shows us how to develop our “love sense” — our ability to develop long-lasting relationships. Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival. Love Sense covers the three stages of a relationship and how to best weather them; the intelligence of emotions and the logic of love; the physical and psychological benefits of secure love; and much more. Based on groundbreaking research, Love Sense will change the way we think about love.

The Committed Marriage: A Guide to Finding a Soul Mate and Building a Relationship Through Timeless Biblical Wisdom

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, esteemed teacher, counselor, and matchmaker, helps even the most pressured modern couples find harmony and unity, guided by the timeless wisdom of the Torah. Starting with the first stagesof finding a soul mate, and continuing through the challenge of learning to communicate with compassion and understanding, whether debating parenting issues or how to grow old in harmony, these real-life success stories reflect the practicality and endurance of traditional values. The anecdotes and true-life stories will speak to your heart and mind, while the Rebbetzin’s faith and depth of understanding will inspire you and strengthen your marriage.

OpEd: Sharing my Chassidic Perspective of ‘Unorthodox’ – Change Comes from Within

Response to “Unorthodox” by accomplished chassidic woman

With All Your Heart: The Jewish Woman’s Path to Experiencing Joy and Fulfillment in Love

Interviews with over 20 influential Jewish Women – journey to stop feeling overwhelmed and start having the loving, intimate, and peaceful home you hope for

A Marriage Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide

A four-part series on Shalom Bayit given to Women at Aish/Ahavas Yisroel in Denver.

Porn, Fantasy, and Compulsive Sexual Behavior: How Much is Too Much? Episode 19

Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they discuss Sex addiction, pornography, and compulsive Sexual behaviors, as well as identification, prevention, and treatment. Special thanks to Dr. Yaniv Efrati, educator and Sex researcher, for his valuable contribution to the discussion.

Intimate Judaism

monthly podcast addresses intimacy and Healthy Sexuality in the context of Jewish family life. We raise conflicts and challenges and candidly offer solutions while remaining firmly within the bounds of Torah and Halacha.

The Marriage Covenant: A Guide to Jewish Marriage

Translation of Hebrew “Ish Ve-Isha”. This volume discusses weddings, the marital relationship, Sexuality, and childbirth. Halakhic guidelines and rulings along with traditions, customs, and sound advice. Also addresses the emotional and psychological challenges of marriage. Includes a 56 page (soft cover) supplement: “A Guide to Marital Relations from a Torah Perspective”.

Ten Minutes A Day To A Better Marriage

Shows how effective communication skills can help us deal with issues from minor to critical. Replete with case history examples, this marriage manual and Dr. Wikler’s proven method can help you achieve greater happiness and harmony.

A Time to Dance – Marriage Tips with Humorous Quips

deep and powerful messages in conjunction with humorous stories and jokes in the spirit of the classic Talmudic milsa d’bidichusa

A Lifetime Companion to the Laws of Jewish Family Life

Foreword by Rabbi Yehuda Henkin. Written to help married and soon-to-be-married couples of all ages learn and understand the laws that govern Jewish marital life, this guide also places a particular emphasis on achieving an understanding of the interplay between Jewish law and Women’s Health issues throughout the life cycle.

Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives

a framework for identifying codependent thinking, emotions and behaviour and provides an effective approach to recovery. Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and Sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody’s approach is the concept that the codependent adult’s injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves clearing up the toxic emotions left over from these painful childhood experiences.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

approach to showing and receiving Love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner. Practical and insightful. Updated to reflect the complexities of Relationships today, this new edition reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work.

Keys to the Kingdom

A story of Love, friendship and rekindled romance… In Keys to the Kingdom, Alison Armstrong takes you on a journey of discovery into the workings of men, Women, and Relationships. Much of the information acquired during Alison’s 15-year study of men is brought to life by the novel’s charming and genuine characters. This heartfelt story communicates the type of wisdom taught in Alison’s Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshops.

Refresh Your Marriage

Taharas Hamishpacha course – Practical and full of Hashkafa. Separate courses for men and Women. Endorsed by Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst, shlit”a, Dayan of Agudath Israel of Illinois, and Rabbi Gedalia Dov Schwartz, shlit”a, Rosh Beth Din of the Chicago Rabbinical Council.

The New Normal — Family Life after Corona

A segment from Rabbi Yaakov Hoorowitz’s Tools for Living and Parenting Series.

Intimacy and Sexuality Webinar

3-part webinar on Intimacy and Sexuality for Jewish Workshops in the winter of 2014. Recordings and powerpoints available.

The Queen’s Code

In this fairy tale for the contemporary woman, Kimberlee seeks advice and discovers a treasure chest of esoteric knowledge hidden within her own family. As she unravels the mysteries of men’s behavior in this romantic journey, so will you. As she learns the Language of Heroes, and transforms how she relates to men, so will you. Whether you’re in Love with men or frustrated by them – or both – The Queen’s Code creates a new ethic and approach for interacting with men in a way that honors both Sexes. From eight distinct points-of-view, you’ll get an intimate look inside the hearts and minds of both men and Women as we struggle to understand ourselves and each other.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert

these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to Sex, money, , work, family, or anything else.

Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships

Good explanation of EFT – emotionally focused therapy. It tries to open up emotional vulnerabilities underlying the person’s over reactivity or shut down stance within a safe environment and with this understanding, it tries to substitute finger pointing with compassion.

A Woman’s Mitzvah: A Fully Sourced Guide to the Laws of Family Purity

(based on classes by Rav Yitzchak Berkovits) – sourced guide to laws of TH. Special attention has been given to distinguish between what is Halacha, what is minhag (custom), and what is a chumrah (a stringency beyond the halachic requirement). There is a chapter on halachos of intimacy (Devorah Kigel comments: more stringent opinions regarding intimacy)

What’s Happening Inside a Good Marriage? What’s Happening Inside a Bad Marriage?

On November 17, 2019, Rabbi YY Jacobson and marriage therapist Moshe Zeev Lamm, LCSW, conducted a full-day workshop for young Chabad men, who are Dating, engaged, or newly married.

The Roadmap to Intimacy

5-week Shalom Bayit interactive course to learn how to practically implement tools to create the relationship you crave. Contact 973-865-9062. Aviva@avivabarnett.com

It’s Not About The Nail

The way men and Women communicate with each other is very different. Men want to fix things. Women need to be heard. “Don’t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.”

The Eternal Bond

presents many of the customs, laws, and traditions surrounding the Jewish wedding that we observe today, with inspiring stories and explanations from Chazal and gedolim. A resource for chassanim, kallos, and their families, to understand and appreciate the deeper meaning and messages that lie behind the Jewish wedding.

The Joy of Intimacy: A Soulful Guide to Love, Sexuality, and Marriage

In this frank, sensible, and at times humorous guide, Rabbi Friedman and Ricardo Adler share the deeper truths at the heart of our longing for intimacy along with practical wisdom from Jewish tradition–insights anyone can use to recapture passion, save their relationship, and tap into the essence of the true intimate experience. The Joy of Intimacy exposes the myths about Love, Sex, and intimacy that separate rather than bring us together and shows how to overcome the greatest obstacles to a Healthy intimate relationship. You’ll explore secrets to preserving your natural spontaneity, setting the mood for intimacy, and making your bedroom a sacred space. You’ll also learn how to increase your sensitivity to the sacred experience of oneness that has the power to transform every aspect of your marriage and nourish all those around you.

The Magic Touch : A Jewish Approach to Relationships

discusses the power of restraint, and how Sexual self-control is the best form of marriage preparation, giving single adults the best chance to find true Love. Taps into age-old wisdom to help you reclaim your individuality, your identity, dignity, self-worth, and sacred worth.

Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student

the anything- goes, Women-are-just-like-men, “safer-Sex” agenda is actually making our sons and daughters sick. a hard slap at the Sexual free-for-all that prevails on American campuses and throughout American life.

Hookup Culture Wreaks Havoc on Campus

New research reveals that a many students find themselves in a fog of depression, confusion, and hurt. One in three students interviewed said that their intimate Relationships have been “traumatic” or “very difficult to handle.” The deadening effect of hookup culture makes them fearful of trying to have a normal, romantic relationship during college or for years after.

The Secret of Jewish Femininity; Insights into the Practice of Taharat HaMishpachah

provides the halachos and hashkafos of taharas hamishpachah

Siach Shoshanim Taharas Hamishpacha: A Woman’s Handbook

breaks down the intricate halachos of Taharas Hamishpacha. Each short chapter is written with clarity and sensitivity, presenting Hilchos Niddah in a manner in which every woman can understand. Complete with colorful photographs and various tefilos, this is the perfect guide for those who are just beginning to learn about Taharas Hamishpacha as well as those who are looking to brush up on the understanding of these laws.

Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li Kallah Teacher Guide – Project of the Orthodox Union

includes a complete curriculum for kallah classes, beautifully designed handouts, an expanded section on intimacy, as well as handouts and resources from partnering organizations. The content of the guide is a compilation of notes and resources from OU-JLIC female Torah educators along with new Educational resources that were created specifically for the project. Email kallah guide@ou.org with any questions about the publication.

Marriage Education

website of Jewish Marriage Education (JME). JME was established in 1993 by Rabbi Yirmiyohu* and Rebbetzin Tehilla Abramov** with the encouragement and guidance of HaRav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l and HaRav Yosef Sholom Elyashiv zt”l. The Rabbanim were consulted regarding all of the organization’s activities. JME publishes and distributes material, and conducts lectures, seminars and training programs pertaining to the enhancement of Jewish family life. Kallah teacher training courses.

The Complete Guidebook to Family Purity: For Men and Women

guides the readers from the young bride to the seasoned scholar through the complex laws of family purity in a refreshingly clear way, navigating the difficult topics with clear conclusions from sources ranging from Shulchan Aruch to modern-day Poskim. This book explores hundreds of common scenarios and provides answers to almost every question that may arise regarding these precious laws. Set out in three sections covering basic principles, a more advanced look at the halachos, and answers to relevant questions

Total Immersion: A Mikvah Anthology

collection of 50 essays and stories about the Mikvah. The issues of Mikvah and Jewish family purity are addressed from philosophic, psychological, mystical, legal, practical, historical, and personal points of view.

A Hedge of Roses

Jewish insights into marriage and married life. This book presents, in brief form, the psychology and philosophy of the laws of Jewish family purity.

The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work With Rabbi Dr. Ari Sytner

Online couples’ workshop – course for engaged or married couples. Contact yuconnects@yu.edu with questions.

How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting

Marriage therapist Marcia Berger suggests holding a weekly 30-minute meeting with your spouse that’s broken into four parts: Appreciation (expressing gratitude to your spouse), Chores (making sure to-dos are getting done), Plan for Good Times (scheduling date nights, as well as individual and family activities), and Problems/Challenges (addressing conflicts/issues/changes in the relationship and in life in general). This article is a summary of how to.

Is the Surrendered Wife a Jewish Wife?

So many have improved their marriages by using the Laura Doyle techniques. But are these techniques in line with what the Torah would advise us?

The River, the Kettle and the Bird: A Torah Guide to a Successful Marriage

examines the necessary foundations of a fulfilling relationship: the goal of marriage, the criteria for choosing a mate, understanding the different natures of male and female, controlling anger and criticism, fostering Love, giving and gratitude.

Mindful Mikvah: A Practical and Spiritual Mikvah Companion

grants a glimpse into the spiritual and emotional power of the different stages of the mitzvah of Mikvah, from separation, to counting, to Mikvah preparation to immersion itself. Learn the mystical meaning of the seven days of separation, review the basics in Mikvah preparation, and simply enjoy Immerse, a pocket-book size soft reminder of the beauty of this mitzvah.

The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband’s Time, Attention, and Affection

Six Intimacy Skills are about focusing on your own desires and transforming your own life—not bending over backwards to transform your husband. See note.

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

a program of eight life-changing conversations on essential topics such as money, Sex, and trust—from two of the world’s leading marriage researchers and clinicians.

What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal

John Gottman shares his research about Love and what it takes to develop a trustful, intimate, and emotionally fulfilling bond. Shares the results of his famous “Love Lab”: Where does Love come from? Why does some Love last, and why does some fade? And how can we keep it alive? Based on laboratory findings, this book shows readers how to identify signs, behaviors, and attitudes that indicate a fraying relationship and provides strategies for repairing what may seem lost or broken.

Ohel Rachel – The Achievement of Oneness in Marriage

Abridged from Sefer Mishkan Yisrael, addresses the topic of mitzvah onah in the light of Jewish tradition. A resource for counselors of Taharat Hamishpacha and for kallot.

Let’s Face It! The 8 Essential Challenges of Living

Engaging real-life stories show how everyone can cultivate Love regardless of life circumstances

Marriage Secrets: A Woman’s Guide to Make Your Marriage Even Better

techniques that strengthen the connections between husband and wife. Examples: communicate for results, fill your “appreciation bucket”, move past resentments, connect deeply with your husband, use dozens of other vital strategies for success.

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